Matter of the Great Red Page


Julian the Announcement Fox here. Nothing important to say – Jonas is still working on your next trip to the Lands of Dream – but I wanted to let you know that I put up a separate page for The Matter of the Great Red Dragon. If you haven’t experienced that story yet, why not do so now? It’s completely free.

I hope you like it.


Julian the Announcement Fox

Bundle of Love

The Sea Will Claim Everything is currently part of the Bundle of Love for Brandon Boyer. The story is one that should be unsurprising to anyone who is familiar with private healthcare in the United States: person gets healthcare, person gets sick, healthcare company refuses to pay, person is left destitute.

Humble Bundle has teamed with independent developers to put together a bundle like no other. To help support this cause, pay at least $25 to receive a ton of games and all proceeds will go directly to the Brandon Boyer Cancer Treatment Relief fund. In addition to Brandon’s medical bills for cancer treatment, the excess funds from this promotion will be donated to a select cancer research organization.

Jonas wrote more about this on his website.

Broccoli Remembrance Day

The Deadliest Vegetable

Join us today in mourning the victims of broccoli.

Fear of Twine

The Matter of the Great Red Dragon

Fear of Twine is an online exhibition of text-based games made by a highly diverse group of people from all around the world. It’s not just diverse in its list of authors, though: it has everything from fantasy to horror to science fiction to deeply personal explorations of kink to abstract political fiction about working-class politics. The site’s a little minimalistic, but the content is fantastically rich.

Fear of Twine features my new Lands of Dream game, The Matter of the Great Red Dragon. I know I’m supposed to be either insincerely humble or ridiculously boastful for the purposes of marketing, but the truth is that I’m just really happy that I got to make this game. It turned out exactly as I wanted it to and thinking about it gives me the warm, fuzzy feeling of having met some old friends and found that we still get along. So there you go. I hope you enjoy it.

Fear of Twine also includes Verena’s first solo game, Zombies and Elephants. Personally, I think it’s pretty awesome, with a lot more layers to it than the title might suggest (as is true of a lot of pulp fiction), but then again I may be biased. (I’m not. I’m a very harsh critic.) I know there are still a couple of things that Verena would like to change, but you know what they say about art. It’s full of the undead.

There’s a lot more to Fear of Twine, though I can’t figure out how to start another sentence with it. I haven’t played all the games yet, but I should definitely mention Abstract State-warp Machines by my dear friend and accomplished, original poet Ivaylo Shmilev. Interactive science fiction poetry! You’re in for a challenge and a treat. (And then there’s Workers in Progress by Konstantinos Dimopoulos and Truth is Ghost by Joel Goodwin and and and…)

I hope this exhibition will gain some traction with the press. I don’t think there’s ever been anything quite like it, and it deserves some attention.

Note: As this is a guest post from another site, we’ve decided to keep the strange reference to “games.” – Julian the Announcement Fox

Project Update

Posted earlier today on The Unofficial Jonas Kyratzes Website:


I recently finished my text game for the upcoming Fear of Twine exhibition. It’s called The Matter of the Great Red Dragon, is set in the Lands of Dream, and has turned out quite wonderful, even though the whole thing came to me in a flash at the last minute, after I’d thrown my original idea out the window. I don’t mean to brag, I’m just really happy with how it turned out. You should be able to play it in a week.

I am now returning to work on The Council of Crows, which may or may not be a working title. This is a short(er) Lands of Dream game – bigger than The Book of Living Magic but not as huge as The Sea Will Claim Everything – and will be free to all those who supported our Indiegogo. The rest of you will be able to get it for an affordable sum. Chris Christodoulou has written absolutely fantastic music for it, and Verena has drawn some of her most evocative art so far. I think it’ll be beautiful.

(The screenshot is old and a little unpolished, but that’s pretty much what it looks like.)

Incidentally, this game was supposed to come out much earlier, but I ran into a serious problem with how Windows 7 handles fonts in Multimedia Fusion games, and had to engineer an ugly but functional solution. This has also caused a delay for Ithaka of the Clouds, but don’t complain – you’re getting a free game!

(If your text looks weird and a bit jagged in The Sea Will Claim Everything, it’s a Windows feature called ClearType. There’s nothing I can currently do about it, so if it bothers you, you’ll have to turn it off before playing. I’m very sorry about this, and more than a little irritated. There doesn’t appear to be a simple solution, and I cannot currently go back and rewrite all the code for a game that sells almost nothing. Thankfully, not that many people seem to have had this problem or noticed it.)

I’m also working on a few other projects in parallel, including a platformer and another text game which… pertains to the Lands of Dream, to slightly paraphrase Dunsany. In fact, I’m quite in love with text games at the moment. Or actually with writing in general. Every now and then I get a chance to do really write and I remember that writing is actually what I’m all about.

And then there’s the Secret Project I’m Not Allowed To Tell You About, which does not involve squirrels, scorpions, or the use of the word “pronk.”

Exciting times. Now to just convince my body to defeat the common cold.

Mission Statement: Clown-Free Products

We here at the Lands of Dream Official Website are aware of the serious problems many people face in our society, issues which are never addressed by the oppressive clownophiliac mainstream. Too many products in this modern world are created by processes involving, affiliated with or secretly watched by clowns. Unlike the production of goods by slaves or the impoverished state of the working class, the issue of clowns is one that cuts to the very heart of who we are as a society. So today we pledge that none of our products will under any circumstances:

  • contain clowns or clown byproducts
  • be manufactured by clowns
  • be distributed by clowns
  • resemble clowns
  • smell of clowns
  • support narratives of clown privilege
  • be spiritually connected to the ghosts of clowns
  • continue the clownification of games
  • make any reference to clowns that is not broadly derogatory
  • in any way suggest that clowns make acceptable pets or astral companions
  • use words specifically associated with clowns and problematic clown practices
  • mention the clown standing behind the reader

In this way, we will demonstrate our allegiance to creating a 100% clown-free society, which means this website is morally better than the majority of all websites, which you don’t read but which almost certainly contain nothing but clowns. Any claims that this alters nothing about our current production methods is itself a sign of clownophilia and will result in an angry tweet from Pennywise the Clown, a valuable ally of our movement who has embraced Critical Clown Theory. We hope other websites will join us in our crusade for lasting change.

Thank you, and remember to minimize your clown footprint.

Merry Satan Christmas Discount

Ever since his father had turned into a boy band and his mother had joined a frog, little Timmy lived in the Orphanage for Very Sad Children in the grey, depressing city of Dull. There was only one time of year when he was truly happy, and that time was Christmas. You see, Timmy loved buying gifts for all his orphan friends. But gifts were expensive, so little Timmy wrote to Santa to ask for help.

Dear Santa,

The greatest gift is giving, but I know we live in capitalism, so all I want for Christmas this year is a discount on my favourite game, The Sea Will Claim Everything, that wonderful adventure in the Lands of Dream which is very funny but also surprisingly touching. Could you somehow make it so the game is cheaper until January 1st?

Yours sincerely,


Sadly, little Timmy was not just an orphan, he was also dyslexic, and the letter never reached the North Pole. Instead it found its way to the deepest pits of Hell, where it was received by Stalin’s cousin, Satan. Satan detested little children, since most of them did not listen to heavy metal… but due to an inexplicable sudden merriness, he decided to grant Timmy’s wish anyway! It was a true Christmas miracle.

Satan was rather confused.


Notes on the text:

  1. Satan’s first name is also Joseph.
  2. Timmy later sold his soul and became a Bitcoin millionaire.
  3. The makers of The Sea Will Claim Everything do not condone the use of inverted monotheism for the selling of products.
  4. This text was written by an elf.
  5. Probably one of the Noldor.

Ithaka of the Clouds team announces new DLC

The owners of the Kyratzes Corporation are very pleased to announce that their upcoming game Ithaka of the Clouds, successfully crowdfunded earlier this year, will expand its unique gameplay with groundbreaking, innovative DLC that will change gaming forever. This innovative, groundbreaking DLC, perfectly designed for the needs of our core customer base as well as casual players, will add several new features that we just know will totally amaze you.Our company motto: we just want your money and don't give a shit about art.

The colour blue. Previously unavailable to all except those who bought the game via the special Red Edition available in select watermelons around the world, the colour blue will significantly expand the game’s palette, giving you a completely new, groundbreakingly innovative experience.

We're all about the words.

 Words™. A unique, innovative concept based on the generation of meaning from parsing groups of symbols associated with sounds, this groundbreaking gameplay experience will add a whole new level of excitement – especially to the endgame!

Yeah, plus five baby!+5 mushrooms! Nuff said!

Easy Target For Satire - 4/5

30 new achievements, to make up for the lack of achievement you feel as you toil under the horrid conditions of late capitalism make your life even more funner!

 And that’s just the beginning!

  • Now compatible with 3D devices! You can play the game on any three-dimensional device that is also a PC, while using controllers that exist in three-dimensional space, like the mouse or the keyboard. (Doesn’t support touchpads and overly flat tablets.)
  • Due to popular demand, Ithaka of the Clouds will now include microtransactions. Using our fictional currency of “drachmas”, you will be able to purchase a variety of special items, including the Plot Overdrive, which will take you directly to the end of the game without the need to experience the story or interact with anything except the IthakaStore®.
  • Finally, with the cooperation of the Greek government, we have implemented a special algorithm that will adapt the meaning of Cavafy’s poetry, which is a major source of inspiration for this entry in the Lands of Dream franchise, to suit the needs of our beloved ruling class and their unique allies in the innovatively groundbreaking criminal/fascist crossover scene.

All these features and many more will be included in the DLC, entitled Violence Is A Dangerous Thing Except When It Upholds Our Authority: Dawn of the Sun of the Patriots Who Really Aren’t Thugs At All: Fall of Wargrind: Operation Grim Corridor (Quirky Indie Edition), which will come included with all versions of the game and can quickly be unlocked with an online blood sacrifice or 300 “drachmas”.

Day-one free-to-play DLC for hardcore casual indie AAA gamers.


Jorrum Dooga’s Book of Likely Facts

The Lands of Dream website is proud to announce that we will be regularly publishing extracts from acclaimed Oneiropolis University scholar Jorrum Dooga’s new masterwork, The Book of Likely Facts (Oneiropolis University Press). Though the author requires little introduction, he has humbly requested that we nevertheless introduce him, particularly since this website reaches a large audience of bees, who may not be as familiar with his work as other readers. So, briefly:

Jorrum Dooga bzzzzzbzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzz btzzzz. bzz. bzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzz, academic pheromone #3, bzzzzzz, bzzzbzzz, dance dance disco dance, bzzzzzzz bzzzz bzzz bzzbzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzz bzz. Bzzz bzzz, bzzz bzzzzz bzz.

That said, let us now enjoy the fascinating new insights that Jorrum Dooga has prepared for us.

Today’s fact:

Most people learn the classical names of large numbers in school: million, billion, trillion, quadrillion, bajillion, gazillion, fnudrillion, godzillion, trevillion, fubrillion, squillion, and so on. But there is one number that is less well-known to the human public: the number catillion. This number is defined as “the amount of tuna a cat would like to have” and was originally devised in an attempt to measure infinity. What makes the number particularly unique, however, is that it is always one unit smaller than itself, because cats always eat that one portion of tuna straight out of the definition.

Mathematicians have concluded that this makes the number very confusing and have signed a pact never to discuss it in public.

This fact and others will be collected in the Likely Facts section of the site. We would like to apologize for the fact that this section smells slightly of fox fur. Julian the Announcement Fox, who is totally not writing this, sometimes used to sleep in that section when it hadn’t been opened yet.

Not on Steam Sale

The Sea Will Claim Everything and a whole bunch of other indie games are on sale right here:

Not on Steam Sale

We love Steam. But there are lots of great games you can’t currently find there! Discover some of them here, and support indie development.

The minimum amount off is 25%, but many games – including TSWCE – are even cheaper. A great opportunity to support some of the smaller indie developers and get some awesome games for relatively little money.

If you already own TSWCE, remember that you can also get a copy for your grandmother, cat and/or imaginary friend.

  • Monkeys