Mission Statement: Clown-Free Products

We here at the Lands of Dream Official Website are aware of the serious problems many people face in our society, issues which are never addressed by the oppressive clownophiliac mainstream. Too many products in this modern world are created by processes involving, affiliated with or secretly watched by clowns. Unlike the production of goods by slaves or the impoverished state of the working class, the issue of clowns is one that cuts to the very heart of who we are as a society. So today we pledge that none of our products will under any circumstances:

  • contain clowns or clown byproducts
  • be manufactured by clowns
  • be distributed by clowns
  • resemble clowns
  • smell of clowns
  • support narratives of clown privilege
  • be spiritually connected to the ghosts of clowns
  • continue the clownification of games
  • make any reference to clowns that is not broadly derogatory
  • in any way suggest that clowns make acceptable pets or astral companions
  • use words specifically associated with clowns and problematic clown practices
  • mention the clown standing behind the reader

In this way, we will demonstrate our allegiance to creating a 100% clown-free society, which means this website is morally better than the majority of all websites, which you don’t read but which almost certainly contain nothing but clowns. Any claims that this alters nothing about our current production methods is itself a sign of clownophilia and will result in an angry tweet from Pennywise the Clown, a valuable ally of our movement who has embraced Critical Clown Theory. We hope other websites will join us in our crusade for lasting change.

Thank you, and remember to minimize your clown footprint.

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1 Comment

  1. Shit, who gave Satan the keys to the website again?

  • Monkeys